Just Because You Can...

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should."  I do not know who first said this to me many years ago but it has served as one of those little helpful guiding voices at times when I am making a decision.

I think that guideline is a good thing to keep in mind when posting on the internet, facebook, twitter, and all the social media opportunities we have to share.  There is a common attitude that if it is out there on the internet or posted somewhere that it is fair game to respond to it any way you want, to share it with whomever you want and in some cases misquote entirely or to not give credit or acknowledge the correct source.  Of course if you don't really know the source - and this post is a perfect example - then you cannot give credit.  Or you can wait and be corrected by someone who does. But even then, there is a way to publicly, or not publicly, correct someone.  I guess that old "need to be right" takes over for some of us at some times.

What has happened to courtesy, giving the benefit of the doubt and gracious words?  Everything is not black-and-white.  If we know someone does not have their facts quite right, we ought to make sure we have our's correct before chastising them or needing to point out their mistake.  I do believe in the political arena this is almost impossible.  The right versus the left, and all the propaganda from both makes it impossible to discover what is fact if all we ever do is watch mainstream media. Yet, we see or read something and assume we are being told the truth by the people who do not want us to know the truth.  We take sides based on lies or half-truths or someone else's opinion. It is a lot of work to track down and find the truth and the facts.  Most of us just don't have the time or want to take the time to do that.  Yet in our more personal interactions with one another, it is even more important to do a fact check. We don't need to disrespect boundaries or toss all discretion aside to make things right.

Let's Go or Let Go?

There is a lot being written and said in the media about letting go, in a plethora of self-help books, and of course on Facebook.  Like many of the popular memes and quotes, everyone seems to feel the need to parrot them, share them, mention them, repeat them.  They are popular because they resonate with the majority of us.  I get that.  The "share" feature on facebook serves many purposes.  I won't bother to list what you already know.  I think sometimes this modern phenomena of sharing on facebook is something many of us grew up with.  We called it being a copycat.  I am "guilty" of that. When it resonates with us, with our path, with our beliefs, with how we would like the world to be, we repeat it. What we learn we often want to share with the world.  If we are teachers, we cannot help but share with our students. But back to this "Let Go" mantra.  If we are going to truly let go of something or someone that just is not positive or healthy or inspiring for us, then to do so in anger or unforgiveness would just mean we haven't let go at all.  Merely ignoring someone or something is not letting go. Any negative emotion attached to the letting go actually binds it to us further.  It's a paradox.  Letting go is a good thing.  Or maybe sometimes not.  You decide how you are going to let go.  May it be from a place of love, forgiveness, with the best intentions, knowing that the letting go is the best for all concerned because you realize we are all connected in some way.  Otherwise, you are not really letting go and moving on. That brings me to the "Let's Go."

Let's go implies a collaborative and cooperative effort, an agreement. C'mon, Let's Go! Let us move forward together.  Let us acknowledge that the relationship or situation is not the best for all concerned, not out of judgmental attitudes or bitter resentment or the inability to bless what was and what will be.  Let us resolve to  mutually let go from a place of peace and kindness and compassion and healing! Let's go to the next level, which may mean separately and apart, yet acknowledging that all things, all people are connected no matter how much we Let Go.  To publicly proclaim that you embrace the concept of letting go while still holding on to the negativity is not letting go at all.  So, when it's time to let go, how about offering your hand and saying Let's Go! And be truly done with it. Moving together is freeing. And if your hand is refused, you can then truly still Let Go. The situation or relationship or person will eventually catch up. Or not. But then it isn't about you anymore.  It's about them and their choice to stay attached and not let go.  Let's go!  Like someone once said, "No one ever choked to death on swallowing their pride!"

Land of Not Knowing

Last month was challenging in many ways for me.  How was your merry month of May?  It is within my favorite time of year, for one thing. So many good May memories and beautiful life-changing events have occurred throughout my life in this gloriously blooming month.  To name a few, the birth of my daughter, the birth of my first grandchild and the birth of the first true love of my life who became the father of my children. Often Memorial Day marked our first trip to the beach to stay at my mother's little summer home there in the Cape May, NJ area. There's that May word again!

I knew a big decision had to be made since several unexpected events knocked me off my feet in May.  I happened to be on beautiful Hilton Head Island when I realized I could not delay or try to finagle things to work out in the direction I already had planned.  It meant letting go of what I had been holding onto for the past several years, vacillating from total commitment on the familiar path to retiring from everything I loved doing.  It all coincided with the energy shifts many of us were experiencing during 2012-2013.  I was not used to not knowing where I was going.  I was standing atop one of the mountains in Alaska, looking out over the Magnificence just being silent and thankful, breathing it all in when the phrase came to me, "The Land of Not Knowing." Surrounded by the majesty of creation, I was humbled and peaceful as most of us are in such awareness.  It's okay to not know, and to let go of the need to know.

So last month there I was again not knowing. I put one foot over the boundary and realized I did know what I had to do.  I knew quite clearly and without any doubt.  I cried.  I smiled.  I prayed.  I meditated.  There was very clearly a way to take the next step.  So on the very last day of  May I knew I had to write a letter of resignation to a number of people and events.  As I pondered what to say and prayed for divine guidance about it, I began by writing this as a facebook post:

"Heavy rain painting us some very wet and shiny vistas just outside the house this last day of May. Goodbye May. You were a roller coaster of emotions ranging from the joy of long awaited answered prayer and happy, memorable times with family and friends to shock, sorrow, letting go and heartbreak. We received unsettling news, good news and encouraging news. We came face to face with life changing decisions and which fork in the road to take. But really, I ask myself, was this May so vastly different than any recent months? Yes. Yes, it was. And I am letting the driven rain cleanse the path of May's debris so I can keep moving forward. I think of one of my favorite Beatles' songs, "I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering where it will go... And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong I'm right where I belong... I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday..." Yes. It's a beautiful, rainy Saturday morning, filled with some laughter, a silly dog and easy breakfast conversation. May you, too, be surrounded by such things that mean the most to you this day."

So I wrote that email letter. I hesitated twice before hitting the send button. All but three people responded.  And every one of those responses were understanding, gracious, kind and encouraging, moving me to tears of gratitude for their wisdom and love.  It affirmed what I had been teaching and preaching for years: When you listen to that still small voice within, when you heed the call of the Divine, when you truly desire the very best outcome for everyone involved in a situation, self included, it really does all work out.  If you are in that Land of Not Knowing it can seem like forever.  It can be very unsettling.  It can be scary. But so can Knowing. Wherever you're dwelling these days, I wish you peace.